The Trip I Almost Didn’t Take

Sabrina passed away on a Sunday night. We were scheduled to leave for Kauai sixteen days later.

Sabrina wasn’t supposed to be on this trip. Alexa and I had been to Kauai the year before, staying in Poipu in the exact same area. At that time, Ken stayed home because one of us needed to be with Sabrina. This year we had hired an additional caregiver that could watch Sabrina overnight, so that we would have more flexibility. And I had set up a detailed schedule so that the 3 of us could go.

But yet after she passed, I was adamantly against going. I couldn’t imagine leaving the house where it felt like she was, where her memories and spirit were. But we couldn’t get a refund, and Alexa really wanted to go. So, we decided to keep the trip.

I reached out to a couple of people for advice.

One is a therapist. One lost her husband and flew to Hawaii shortly after.

Their advice was simple and it turned out to be perfect.

Bring something that reminds you of them. I packed a cozy blanket that reminded me of Sabrina. It came everywhere with us.

Pick a moment to honor them. We talked as a family before we left about how we needed to honor each other’s grief on this trip – that we were all carrying something different and we all needed space for it.

Know that they go with you. Both friends told me the same thing: she will be with you anywhere. You don’t need to be in the house for that to be true.

As the trip got closer, I started feeling more and more ready. And I started feeling more and more like we weren’t leaving her, but rather that she was coming with us.

I’m not going to lie, I also got a prescription for Ativan from my doctor. I was experiencing near-panic attacks in the days leading up to the trip. I’m sharing that because if you’re in a similar place, I want you to know: doing what you need to do to get yourself on the plane is not weakness. It’s resourcefulness.

Because we no longer had Sabrina’s caregivers staying while we were away, we needed help with our three dogs. I don’t typically like to ask for help, but I did. I set up a Give InKind schedule and shared it with our neighbors. It made it easy for me to ask for help, and made it easy for people to sign up.

The Kauai That Held Us

Before we went, we talked about signing up for various activities but in the end, we knew we wanted a low-pressure, low-activity trip. we wanted to go with the flow, just to spend a lot of time at the beach and at the pool. And that’s pretty much what we did.

If you have the energy for it, a Na Pali Coast boat tour or zip lining outing is worth it. Alexa and I did both on our trip last year and both were great (but beware of the boat tour if you get motion sickness! 🤢)

There were a couple of places we wanted to go back to from our trip the year before.

I knew we’d find ourselves back at the musubi truck, same as last year, same quick, affordable, yummy food.

We made it to Anake’s Juice Bar for the first time this year. It’s not the easiest place to find, it’s tucked in the back of a grocery store. We ended up there four or five times. Possibly five. I lost count. The Funky Monkey acai bowl was my go-to, while Alexa had their smoothies.

Rainbow Shave Ice Kauai was my absolute favorite. The flavors are natural, which Alexa was less convinced of. She’s a fan of the artificially flavored variety, and I respect that about her even if I disagree completely. The homemade coconut topping was the kind of thing that makes you stop mid-bite.

We spent time at various beaches and a lot of time at the pool. The pool requires nothing of you. It asks no questions. At this particular point in our lives, that mattered.

What the Ocean Did and What the Canyon Didn’t

Being on the ocean was so therapeutic. I felt Sabrina there.

My husband wanted to visit Wailua River State Park. The vast canyons didn’t have the same effect on me that the ocean did. It made me anxious. It felt like the walls were closing in. I don’t know if that was grief or just me, but I know that not every beautiful place meets you where you are. The ocean did. The canyon didn’t. And that’s okay. Part of traveling through hard seasons is figuring out what your nervous system needs, and giving yourself permission to name it when something isn’t working.

The Stars

One evening Ken wanted to see the stars. So we walked out and looked up. And there they were. All of them, twinkling.

Something settled in me in that moment. Sabrina was there. We didn’t need to be home to feel her.

There was sadness on this trip. I won’t pretend otherwise. But being together, being away, being on the ocean… it was good. Better than I expected.

If You’re Wondering Whether to Go

If you’re in a season of grief and someone is asking you to go somewhere – a trip you planned, a ticket you can’t refund, a place that feels impossible right now:

Bring something that reminds you of them. Pick a moment to honor them. Tell the people you’re traveling with what you need. And trust that they go with you.

You don’t have to be ready. You just have to go anyway.

Planning a trip to Kauai? Here’s where to eat.

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